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Yet another questionably designed place to park your bike — "chocolate teapot" station bicycle rack confuses cyclists; Dave Brailsford meets Manchester United squad; An all too familiar bike theft tale; From the (Daily) Mail-bag + more on the live blog

For the first time in about two weeks we're pretty certain what day of the week it is... Dan Alexander is on duty for your Friday live blog...
05 January 2024, 09:15
Yet another questionably designed place to park your bike — "chocolate teapot" station bicycle rack confuses cyclists

Drumroll please...

'What's so confusing about that?' I hear some future commenter ask. Well, perhaps not the how to use it aspect of this 'bike rack', but more the commonly seen decision of councils and planners to opt for seemingly novelty bike parking solutions rather than just giving us a practical row of Sheffield Stands. It really is that simple. A row of properly installed, secure metal racks, that's all we're after.

The matter is even more important for riders of cargo bikes, trikes, or other types of bicycle that might not be able to be rolled up in the air and locked in place as this one asks. It's a similar discussion to what we hear about bike storage facilities on trains (obviously without some of the added booking, availability and cost-related issues there) where storage often requires riders to hoist their bike upright to fit in a tiny cupboard, for want of a better word.

> "Vertical bike storage is discriminatory and should be outright banned": Rail engineer Gareth Dennis explains why taking your bike on the train is such a faff on the road.cc Podcast

Fine if you're relatively strong and riding a road bike with narrow bars. Not so for many other types of bicycle.

Human & Travels spotted this "chocolate teapot" bike parking 'facility' outside Wandsworth station in south London, saying it had been recently installed. Needless to say it's caused a fair amount of eye rolling, eyebrow raising, face palming, and any other ways of expressing negative emotions with your facial features...

Ben Furfie suggested in reply, "Insurers should sue stations that install those. It's impossible to securely lock bikes to them; and don't get me started on bikes used as mobility aids for the less abled, or bikes used as car replacements like cargo bikes."

"There is a similar set-up at a place I've biked to. Totally worthless. All the bikes were locked around the area to signs and posts," another said.

On the plus side, at least we've now got another one for the collection...

Worst bike racks

> Worst bike racks — from the useless to utterly unusable places to park your bicycle 

05 January 2024, 17:51
Cyclist killed and two critically injured in shocking Florida collision which saw group ride hit by driver of SUV
05 January 2024, 16:12
Another dive into the weird world of Peloton — where your class instructor might launch into an X-rated tirade about Christopher Nolan's movie Tenet

Peloton. You know, the really expensive stationary bike service, used by Rishi Sunak, Joe Biden, and other people with above average sums of disposable income, that allows you to do home spin sessions with an instructor? Yep, the one which boomed during the pandemic but has seen its share price fall off a cliff since.

Peloton Bike (credit: Peloton)

> End of lockdown wipes billions off Peloton’s market value

Here at road.cc we've largely watched from afar, obliged to report occasionaly on lawsuits or share-plummeting at one of the world's biggest cycling-related businesses, but with the knowledge the product hasn't ever really landed with the sort of cyclists who visit our website. 

One entertaining thing that has come from Peloton is the extensive backcatalogue of the service's class instructors being... how can we put this politely? A bit bizarre...

There was the instructor who, at the end of 2020, asked her class to climb in honour of their dead relatives. But now we've got a new sprinkling of unintentional comedy gold for the genre...

 This has all come to light because Tenet's director Christopher Nolan said he was doing the class when he was suddenly bombarded with this X-rated review. 

"I was on my Peloton. I'm dying. And the instructor started talking about one of my films and said, 'Did anyone see this? That's a couple hours of my life I'll never get back again!" Nolan said during his acceptance speech for 'Best Director' at the New York Film Critics Circle award ceremony on Wednesday, Variety reports.

Addressing the review of the review, Peloton instructor Jen Sherman wrote on Instagram: "Listen. It was 2020. It was a dark time. I'm on the platform, teaching my little class, and I'm running my mouth off like I'm known to do. And I make a random comment about a movie I had seen the night before. What do you think the odds are that the director of said movie would take that ride some four years later? That would only happen to me."

Yeah, I think I'll stick to freezing, wet rides and the turbo thank you very much...

05 January 2024, 15:59
Arnold Schwarzenegger demands total recall of lawsuit filed against him by cyclist who he hit while driving an SUV
05 January 2024, 14:16
Vicar's bike lane-bashing goes down a storm... in the road.cc comments section

Let the record show there's more than a touch of sarcasm in that headline. Adwi's story about the Altrincham vicar having a pop at a cycle lane for driving away his congregation (welcome to 2024 everybody!) has at least attracted some of the best comments we've had on a story for a while. Top work!

Rendel Harris:

"We can show you the way to salvation and eternal paradise."

"Sounds great, what's the catch?"

"You will have to drive a little way round the one-way system."

"Stuff that, can't be bothered."

Clem Fandango: "Forget tanks & drones. How about we build a cycle lane along Ukraine's border with Russia — surely that's a guaranteed way to prevent Vlad's boys from entering Ukraine?

EDIT: Oh, and there really is a Dave Walker cartoon for every situation...

05 January 2024, 12:17
"The church is under threat": Vicar fears cycle lane outside church car park will drive away the congregation
St Margaret's Church car park (Google Maps)

> "The church is under threat": Vicar fears cycle lane outside church car park will drive away the congregation

"Our bells have been ringing out since the mid-1800s… Now we face extinction simply because of a crazy traffic system..."

05 January 2024, 10:32
From the (Daily) Mail-bag

You might have seen an old favourite return with a fresh new update for 2024...

DailyMail-headlines-header

> 20 of the most hysterical Daily Mail anti-cycling headlines

One comment made us chuckle, so we thought we'd share...

Dear Simon,

My eyes hurt having read this article and I'm beginning to wheeze; you must have the strongest of constitutions to have written this piece with no ill effects to your physical or mental health. If you are suffering then I'm sure that there's a voluntary organisation with a 12-step programme which will help you recover from the trauma of having written this article, stay strong; we all believe in you. 

Best wishes,

Jaymack.

05 January 2024, 10:25
An all too familiar bike theft tale

road.cc contributor Laura Laker's bike has been nicked...

Laura Laker's bike stolen (Twitter)

"I definitely should have used the good lock today," she wrote on social media. "Thankfully the legends at my bike shop had the frame number handy when I called them." 

The security at a nearby BT building reviewed their CCTV and found that at 11:38 yesterday morning three men arrived, one of them using an angle grinder to cut through the locks and release the bike. By 11.40 they had left with the bike...

05 January 2024, 10:05
Caption competition: Sir Dave Brailsford meets the Manchester United squad
05 January 2024, 09:38
Introducing the bollard-rack, the rack-llard, the boll-cycle... we'll decide on a name eventually

It's a bollard Sheffield Stand...

This is the original post from Bob From Accounts who sparked the dodgy cycle racks discussion. Two-thirds practical Sheffield Stand, one-third giant bollard.

Dan joined road.cc in 2020, and spent most of his first year (hopefully) keeping you entertained on the live blog. At the start of 2022 he took on the role of news editor. Before joining road.cc, Dan wrote about various sports, including football and boxing for the Daily Express, and covered the weird and wonderful world of non-league football for The Non-League Paper. Part of the generation inspired by the 2012 Olympics, Dan has been 'enjoying' life on two wheels ever since and spends his weekends making bonk-induced trips to the petrol stations of the south of England.

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32 comments

Avatar
Hirsute | 2 weeks ago
4 likes

Tin foil hat anyone ?
Twitter X
"Online cyclist rings should be investigated for the mass amounts of intrusive footage of the inside of family cars that they store, share and collate. It wouldn't be wasting police time, it might be worth seeing where all this invasive secret filming goes."

Pizzagate run by road cc !!!

Avatar
chrisonabike replied to Hirsute | 2 weeks ago
1 like

Hirsute wrote:

Twitter X "Online cyclist rings should be investigated for the mass amounts of intrusive footage of the inside of family cars that they store, share and collate. It wouldn't be wasting police time, it might be worth seeing where all this invasive secret filming goes."

They should just ask wtjs for evidence about both where the footage goes and the amount of time that police waste on investigating it!

Avatar
wtjs replied to chrisonabike | 2 weeks ago
1 like

They should just ask wtjs for evidence about both where the footage goes and the amount of time that police waste on investigating it!

Online paedophile cyclist rings peering inside cars at children shock! No harm to hard-working respectable motorists resulted from the making of this video (I was reminded of this but it's not on UpRide, yet). This is Peugeot 208 MC65 NDF, and you can see the woman driver's hand as she leans over to shout something incomprehensible at me

Avatar
stonojnr | 2 weeks ago
1 like

Surprised, given the football theme of the blog, you hadn't noticed Klopp is advertising for peloton thesedays

Avatar
mark1a replied to stonojnr | 2 weeks ago
5 likes

stonojnr wrote:

Surprised, given the football theme of the blog, you hadn't noticed Klopp is advertising for peloton thesedays

What has Peloton®™ got to do with cycling? 😜😁

Avatar
Wardy74 replied to stonojnr | 2 weeks ago
1 like

A bit like you can't out-train a bad diet, you can't out-advertise a bad product. It hasn't stopped Peloton trying though.

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stewcelliott | 2 weeks ago
7 likes

A lot of those wacky bike rack designs seem motivated in part by a desire to save space and that really is our culture in a microcosm, where we see bicycles as "hogging the road" or "strewn across pavements" but are blind to the gargantuan amount of space wasted by cars.

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brooksby replied to stewcelliott | 2 weeks ago
6 likes

stewcelliott wrote:

A lot of those wacky bike rack designs seem motivated in part by a desire to save space and that really is our culture in a microcosm, where we see bicycles as "hogging the road" or "strewn across pavements" but are blind to the gargantuan amount of space wasted by cars.

As an example:

https://maps.app.goo.gl/gb2Kqh9DSjioZoye9

This is not, in point of fact, a convenient city centre car park.

It is supposed to be a pedestrian plaza and a cut-through between Rupert Street and Nelson Street in central Bristol.

And at lunchtime today it was filled right back to and over the footway nearest the streetview camera, and no pedestrian with a pushchair would have been able to get through or even get past 

Avatar
tigersnapper | 2 weeks ago
3 likes

Caption:

DB - Think we're going to need more than marginal gains to fix this lot.

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dmkurt | 2 weeks ago
5 likes

It's almost as though the people in the UK who design bike lanes and bike parking have never actually used a bike before. Or seen one.
Definitely as though they have never looked at a system that actually works - a quick hop over to the Netherlands and they would see what we actually need in the UK and how easy it would be to implement.

Avatar
chrisonabike replied to dmkurt | 2 weeks ago
2 likes

I agree with the principle.  We should just copy what works.

I also spent lots of time in "why don't they get it - it's so obvious" mode.  However the "just do it 'cos it's better" part turns out to be immensely hard - because self-reinforcing systems and ultimately "humans".  Even (pretty trivial) stuff like "just don't use crap cycle stand designs".  For example that was beyond the abilities of the Edinburgh tram builders despite them being an (arms-length) company established by the council which (now) has sensible detailed standards for exactly this...

On the positive side this article about actually achieving change may be interesting.

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marmotte27 | 2 weeks ago
8 likes

Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands,
Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands,
Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands,
Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands, Sheffield stands,...
Please ! Pretty please ?!

Avatar
marmotte27 | 2 weeks ago
5 likes

One would think that Church would be about preserving God's Creation...
In any case, if your affair depends on cars, you should probably rethink it asap...

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SimoninSpalding | 2 weeks ago
10 likes

Looking at those Sheffollards I suspect that their initial primary purpose is as vehicle arrestors to protect the station and pedestrians from terrorist attacks, but some bright spark decided to try and make them "multipurpose"

Avatar
Steve K | 2 weeks ago
3 likes

Some wholesome content for a Friday lunchtime.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-67881615

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SimoninSpalding replied to Steve K | 2 weeks ago
3 likes

But just think about how many cars he selfishly held up!

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NotNigel | 2 weeks ago
5 likes

Re: Laura laker's bike theft.  Am I not right in thinking with the thieves now using angle grinders that it is irrelevant what type of lock people use in that they could just chop through the stands?  

Avatar
Steve K replied to NotNigel | 2 weeks ago
4 likes

NotNigel wrote:

Re: Laura laker's bike theft.  Am I not right in thinking with the thieves now using angle grinders that it is irrelevant what type of lock people use in that they could just chop through the stands?  

This is what worries me about my super Hiplok D1000.

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Hirsute replied to Steve K | 2 weeks ago
2 likes

I've just got one of those. The shop advised me to take a photo for insurance purposes everytime I lock up !

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Matthew Acton-Varian replied to NotNigel | 2 weeks ago
4 likes

It depends on the thickness and hardness of the Stands themselves. Some insight on that specifically would be useful.

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ROOTminus1 replied to NotNigel | 2 weeks ago
8 likes

The function of locks has long been a deterrent rather than prevention; to make your bike more of a inconvenience to steal than the next bike along.
Determined thieves are equipping themselves with more than grinders, so nothing will actually stop them.
Hans Rey's garage, the trials and MTB legend, was targeted with a gas axe to get through steel rebar a few years back.
https://www.mbr.co.uk/news/hans-rey-bike-theft-382488

Avatar
NotNigel replied to ROOTminus1 | 2 weeks ago
3 likes

I suppose if stands and locks where 100% thief proof they would just resort to forcefully acquiring your ride once you'd unlocked it.  I know how id like to have my bike nicked if it unfortunately happened.

Avatar
Rendel Harris replied to NotNigel | 2 weeks ago
4 likes

NotNigel wrote:

Re: Laura laker's bike theft.  Am I not right in thinking with the thieves now using angle grinders that it is irrelevant what type of lock people use in that they could just chop through the stands?  

Not entirely irrelevant: quite a few of the thieves caught on CCTV around my neck of the woods appear to be ambulatory and carry battery-powered angle grinders in rucksacks, riding away on the bike once they have broken the lock. For that type of scrote cutting the stand probably isn't a good option as they would then have to carry the bike away with the concomitant risk of being spotted by the rozzers. Obviously this isn't a consideration for the more "professional" mobs that go around in vans and can drive the bike away to dismantle the lock at their leisure.

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Brauchsel replied to Rendel Harris | 2 weeks ago
5 likes

Rendel Harris wrote:

For that type of scrote cutting the stand probably isn't a good option as they would then have to carry the bike away with the concomitant risk of being spotted by the rozzers. 

It's a risk some of our local scrotes are happy to accept, as I found out a few years ago after only being able to lock my front wheel to the (vertical) stands in my then-building's "secure" bike storage area. Said scrote was pictured on CCTV wandering off with the rest of the bike slung nonchalantly over a shoulder. No arrests. 

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NotNigel replied to Rendel Harris | 2 weeks ago
2 likes

Good point, we're that used to seeing them working in groups and riding off on their mopeds etc...

and when I say seeing I mean through media, I've never witnessed it first hand

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BIRMINGHAMisaDUMP replied to NotNigel | 2 weeks ago
1 like

Yesterday I had to lock and leave unattended one of my Riese & Muller bikes (which I rarely do and don't like to do) I used a chain lock, a dlock, a rear wheel lock, a front wheel lock and a motion alarm. It is all about deterrence - make it as difficult and as unappealing as possible for the thieves and hope they move on. 

Avatar
ROOTminus1 | 2 weeks ago
6 likes

Caption contest:
DB - "Quick question, do you know what a jiffy bag is?"
RH - "Giffy? Yiffy? What kind of bag is this?"
DB - "Perfect!"

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the little onion replied to hutchdaddy | 2 weeks ago
9 likes

The cycle lane threatens people's ability to get to church by car? Apparently the church was built in the 1850s, so presumably those victorian christians drove to church.

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Dan Alexander replied to hutchdaddy | 2 weeks ago
4 likes

More on this later...

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